A New Year Brings New Life and Perspective

You've grown so much my baby boy. I love to tell you how proud I am of you for growing and being so strong! You aren't even born yet, but you make me smile like crazy!

If there is one thing that I have learned from this pregnancy it is that weight is just a number. I've never felt more beautiful that I do now, though I am at my heaviest weight. I know gaining weight means that I get to be your mom, and that makes it completely worth it. I now get to be known as "Logan's Mom."

I guess a normal question people like to ask pregnant women (don't ask me why) is how much weight they have gained. I won't let the doctor's tell me, so I can't answer that question. It almost feels like women have a silent competition going- who gained either the least or the most amount of weight when they were pregnant. I absolutely know you can eat too much and make the baby overweight which is associated with certain health risks and higher rates of C-sections. Who cares as long as the baby is a healthy weight? People have told me they think you are going to be a "big baby." We will see. Even though they think my belly looks big, I don't feel very big. I know that I am a tiny person, and there is nowhere for you to go but out! I don't think you will be bigger than 8 pounds and a few ounces.

I understand why our culture has become so consumed with weight. There are a lot of obese people in the United States now. Other countries make fun of us. But it's almost like most people's minds can only function in black and white. It's one extreme to the other. People can get obsessed with weight so much that they just don't eat at all. People can really allow themselves to become distraught over gaining a few pounds. Don't get me wrong, when I'm not pregnant anymore, I absolutely want to get back into shape. I want to be able to fit back into my old clothes again, but I won't let that number on the scale determine my self-worth. It helps that your dad loves me no matter what. He just told me today that I am more beautiful than I ever have been. I feel so happy for you to be able to have a great guy like him as your dad. It's become harder and harder to find good men these days.

I know you will love to exercise and be outdoors, because your dad and I do. I can't wait to take you hiking with us when you get older. There is so much to see and feel out in nature that you just can't feel when you are stuck inside. Some of my best memories are outside feeling the sunshine and wind on my face and breathing in the fresh air. Of course, I want it to be a little warmer and for you to be a little older because I take you on many walks outside. It's the coldest that it has been in Georgia in a long time today. The temperature is 13°F but the weather center says it really feels like 2°F.

Though it was cold yesterday, I drove to visit your aunts. They cancelled their school yesterday due to the possibility of black ice on the roads. They've cancelled it again today, though I am not sure why this time. On the way to their house, there were several rainbows within the clouds, and it made me recognize just how much beauty there is in the world. There is pain and suffering which can continue indefinitely if we choose to continue to dwell on it. Even more powerful is all the beauty in life. Just being alive, breathing, and thinking with these bodies is a tremendous blessing.

I love you, sweetheart. I am thinking of you always. Hopefully, we will get to officially meet in 27 more days.

Love,
Mom