Ultrasound and Cloth Diapers!

Hi Baby Boy,

      I got to see you again today. This time, I got to keep a recording of the live ultrasound. Now you can see just how active you are. Your movements appear jerky, because your nervous system isn't fully developed yet to have precise movements. The ultrasound tech said that I am staying well hydrated, because you have a big "swimming pool." That just means you have a lot of amniotic fluid (but not too much). You can see it better when she moves the ultrasound to see you from the side. From what we can tell now, you are already stationing your head kind of downward. That's good, because that is the easiest way for you to come out (head first).

At the end of the video, she gets your heart beat from your umbilical cord! Isn't that neat? It's measuring 148 bpm. That's down from 152-154 bpm from 16 weeks which is good. It's supposed to go down as the pregnancy progresses. She does the thermal imaging (the colors at the end of the video) to show me that there are two arteries and one vein just like a healthy baby should have. Using your cephalic and chest measurements, she said you were in the 55 percentile for your age. People might think it is better to be in a higher percentile, but that's not accurate. Growing too quickly could cause some impairments or indicate a problem. Everything is growing as it should and in proportion to one another. You are just right. Here you are in all of your preciousness:



Some of the cloth diapers I bought you came in today too. I bought 16, but I'm sure I will need more. Karla told me that she recommends using Eco nuts to wash the diapers. I'm mostly telling you that, so I can remember for later. Here are the diapers that I got. You are going to be so stinkin' cute:

Later, I will add pictures of the clothes and other things I've gotten for you, so I have have everything documented. See you in 19 weeks and 5 days!

Love,
Mom

Names and Faces and Sweet Baby Kicks

Dearest Little One,

          You are one of the best gifts that anyone has ever given me. I usually have to work for any kind of confirmation that I receive from Heavenly Father, but when your father and I prayed for you, I received a distinct witness from the Holy Ghost as if God was saying that He would grant me the desires of my heart. You were conceived within that month.

          I never knew that I was capable of loving anyone as much as I love you. Don't get me wrong, I love your dad more and more every day. But you! You are completely depended upon me for survival. What I eat, you eat. Where I go, you go. I can't imagine how I will feel after you are born. I am so curious to know what you will look like. Will you have your daddy's hair and nose and ears? I can't remember if I've mentioned this before....but your dad is convinced that all Cardons get the Cardon nose and ears. It's true that all the boys of Cardon sons have the same ears. He says they all have the same nose too, but I don't see it. I hope you will be tall like both of your Grandpas not short like your mom. It would be very rare for you to have anything but blue eyes and O+ blood, though it is still possible. Blue eyes pretty much means that you will need to wear Sunglasses when you are outside even when its overcast. I hope you look like me even if it is just a little bit.

        I wish you could help me pick out your name. I don't know why it has to be so hard to name little boys. I could have named at least 5 little girls in the time it has taken me to think of your name. I said in the beginning that I was going to name you Asher Ruland, but I started to feel that maybe it wasn't the right choice. However, I almost feel obligated, since it was the first thing that I wrote on your blog. I wanted to give you at least one normal name. I've been thinking about Asher Logan, but I still don't know anything for sure. I am really just waiting on a distinct sign- maybe an angel that comes down that just tells me what the name is supposed to be. I'm sure I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I really need to, but I think names are important. Maybe I won't know for sure until I see you. That seems like a really long time to wait to pick out a name...Your dad still wants to have Ruland or Kent in your name. I want him to be involved in picking out the name too.

Because your dad and I are so happy together (and I'm not used to being this happy!), I've had a fear of losing him. I've actually had this fear on and off for at least three years (before our car accident). I've been praying that I would no longer have fear in this way but mostly that nothing would happen to take your dad away from us. I was reading in my nursing parent-child book that fear of losing a spouse is a common fear in the second trimester. It made me feel better to know that the reaction I'm having is completely natural.

Yesterday was the first day that I really felt you moving consistently throughout the day. It is such a comfort to me to feel you move. You are SO STRONG. Last night, your dad put his hand on you and pressed down just a little bit. You seemed to kick back with just as much strength as you could muster, and it made me giggle. You are still so young, but you are so aware of everything. It was almost as if you were saying, "Hey! Quit that, this is my space and you are crowding me!" I'm not sure if I said this in the last post I made, but I wonder how loud we need to talk in order for you to hear us.

One of my friends, Amanda, told me that we should make sure your dad is talking to you consistently throughout the pregnancy, so he is able to comfort you too when I'm not around. At church today, a woman in the sacrament meeting got up with her baby. The other two children cried and followed her out, though their dad was still sitting there with them when she left. I just laughed and looked over at your dad. I guess nothing quite compares to a mother's love. Now that I say that, you will probably end up being a daddy's boy. However, I don't think that will happen until I'm no longer supplying your food!

Kids really do seem to like your daddy. I hear funny stories all the time that seem to indicate just that. Tim used to work for a guy who has a son with developmental delays. He doesn't know very many words but Tim's name happens to be one of them. The son of Tim's current boss once told him, "When I grow up, I want to be just like you, Uncle Tim." The daughter of one of my friends gave a picture to him instead of me when she got to choose between us. Karla said, "She never does that. She normally doesn't like boys." I wasn't hurt by it, I know that I am lucky and blessed to have him in my life. I just think he has a sweet spirit, and little children, especially, can pick up on that. You will be lucky to have him in your life too. Sometimes, he doesn't have a way with words like mom, but it's really action that counts the most.

I'm going to go now, my little man. I'll try to have your name officially picked out soon. Please help if you can! Your dad and I love you.

Love,
Mom

Everyday, You Are Bigger and Stronger

My Beloved Son,

        I'm sorry it has been so long since I've written you, though it will seem like no time has lapsed at all when you read this. I think it has been about a month, but it has seemed much longer than that. I think about you every day, and hope that you are getting all the nutrients that you need. A couple of weeks ago, I went to the doctor for your official "sex check," though we already knew you were a boy. I really just wanted to see you and hear your heart beat. At 13 weeks, you moved around one time, though it seemed like such a big deal when you did! At 16 weeks, you were moving all over the place. During the check up, the doctor had a hard time keeping your heart beat on the doppler machine, because you kept turning. It just made me laugh. I already know that you are going to be a very active toddler/child, so your activity in the womb doesn't surprise me. Today, I got a little worried, because I hadn't felt you move for a while. Now, I can tell, you've definitely woken up. I encourage you to move around more. You can kick me and wake me up at night, that's okay. I will need to get used to being woken up in the middle of the night. I will probably be happy when I wake up, because I will know that you are okay and you are strong.

In class, I learned that babies are nocturnal by nature. They have to be programmed to sleep at night and not during the day. This has to do with the time when people were hunters and gatherers. Babies would sleep in a sling on the mothers back while she was out gathering nuts and berries during the day. It wasn't safe for mom to stop and feed the child for 30 minutes at a time, because of predators. I also learned all about how to properly breast feed, but I will spare you the details since you are a boy :).

Here are pictures of your sonograms. I know you will love the fact that I've shown one, in particular, to everyone. You'll see why:

In the bottom photo, you look like you have tiny little legs, but the top one does a better job at showing those meaty legs. You also look like you have big lips, but that could just be your lip muscles.

I'm really starting to show now (or should I say that YOU are starting to show?), though that just seems to be my opinion. It also depends on the shirt that I wear too. Here's the photo that your dad took on Saturday (3 days ago) before we went to a Braves' game:

In the beginning, I was pretty insecure about gaining the weight. When I look in the mirror now, I feel more beautiful than I've ever felt and, for once, don't feel insecure about gaining weight. It helps that I look really good in those pants. Your Aunt Karla (I don't know if she is okay with me calling her "Aunt," because she isn't really your Aunt, but she's always felt and been like a sister to me.) let me borrow some maternity clothes, and now I feel fabulous! I finally have clothes that fit me that aren't exercise pants/pajamas.

Son, I really love you. I worry sometimes that something might happen to you, but I always feel comforted to know that I got a blessing when I found out that I was pregnant with you. I was blessed that the pregnancy would go well and you would be healthy. I hope that you like me, and we have a good relationship. I'm going to do my best to raise you to know right from wrong and to find joy in this life and the next. I'll do my best to keep my temper when I get upset. I know I'll make mistakes, but I hope you'll forgive me. Don't be one of those teenagers that doesn't want anything to do with their parents, okay? I want kisses and hugs every day until you move out. Society is wrong. It's okay for boys to cry and show their emotions. 

Thinking of you and loving you always,

Mom