On Your Birthday- February 11th

You can click on each image to enlarge it :). 

This is one happy momma.

Daddy all dressed for the OR. 

Suctioning out your air passages, so you can breathe.

Here's the man that helped you make your way into the world!

Daddy's cutting your cord. Don't worry. It doesn't hurt. 

Measuring your abdomen. 

Looking into your daddy's eyes for the first time.

High foot!

What a happy baby!

Fast asleep.

You are one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

When I first heard you cry on the operating table, I said, "That is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. It is so worth it." When I first saw your face, I said, "He's SO BEAUTIFUL!"

You're Here, right?! It's February 6th...three days after your due date!

Hello My Sweet Baby Logan,

        I would like to dedicate a song to you. It's called, "You Can't Hurry Love" by the Supremes. Clearly, I have made my belly such an inviting and comfortable place that you don't want to leave yet. Free food, warm bed, but it has to be getting cramped in there, my love! You just don't know what it feels like yet to stretch out, or at least don't remember it from when you were smaller.

       How funny would it be for you to come today on your Uncle Mike's birthday. Taylor's birthday (your cousin) is also on the 6th. I wouldn't mind if you come tomorrow night, as long as you don't wait until February 14th like your grandpa is predicting.

        Your aunt Bethanee has been checking on me everyday. She loves you so much and wants to help watch you over the summer while mom finishes her last two classes in the nursing program! Just saying that makes me feel so relieved. There is a light at the end of the tunnel in my school! I've been in school for a very long time. I hope I don't get any wild ideas about going back after I graduate. I should at least wait until I get my student loans paid off before I think about that. Your dad is happy to have me stay at home while he works to support us. I've always been one that likes to earn my keep. He thinks the chores I do around the house is enough...and especially with you coming. You will be more than a full time job!

      The change of heart that I have had lately has been really helpful. Before, I couldn't wait until we could move out of our small house into something nicer and bigger. I think I was taught by society growing up that living in a trailer was trashy which makes the people that live in the trailer trashy too. Now, I feel like there is nothing to be ashamed of when you are living modestly. Bigger houses mean higher house payments which means more obligation and stress about money and making ends meet, especially with the loss of a job because of the economy or some other unpredictable circumstance. The only thing trashy about anything in this circumstance is taking advantage of other people and expecting them to take care of you while giving nothing in return or without trying to make something better out of your life. However, it is getting to the point that the middle class is being taxed so much that it is a wonder they can support themselves at all. Everything has become so expensive that it almost forces both parents to work. I believe that children are definitely better off if the mother stays at home with them. I am hoping by entering into the nursing field, I won't be gone from you very often. I want to work a maximum of three times a week and only at night. I just don't know how friendly I will be if I don't get enough sleep!

So I'm going to see you tonight, right? I love you, sweetheart! See you soon!

Love,
Mom

Quick Little Messages

2/5/14

You wake up in my belly when you hear your dad's voice when he comes home. It's really so sweet that you seem to love him so much.

Children fill a part an empty place in our hearts that many don't even realize are there, but I've known that void was there for a long time. I've missed you for a long time, my sweet boy.

I'm not ashamed of my stretch marks. I think they are beautiful, because it means that I get to be your mommy.

2/15/14

We liked to joke that we named you Logan after Wolverine on X-Men. We didn't of course, but it is so funny that you were born with thick side burns!

2/16/2014

I find it funny that a Jewish man performed your circumcision, since the Jews were the first people to have circumcisions!

3/1/2014

I can tell you that being a mother is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It was like all of a sudden everything in my life started to make sense. I love taking care of you and watching you grow.

3/8/2014

Your dad took you to the World of Coke Museum with your grandparents for your first outing yesterday. While you were there, a tourist from Asian asked to take your picture, because you are so cute!

You met your great-Papaw, Aunt Karen, and your first cousin Jody for the first time today. You actually made your Papaw smile. He says you get your good looks from the Ledford side of the family.

4/2/2014

Wow, you are an amazing kid! You've got so many people wrapped around you little finger, my little charmer! I hope you get to experience how amazing it feels to be a parent one day. Nowadays, the world tries to convince people that children are a burden. I can't imagine being without such an amazing blessing. You are teaching me to be a better version of myself- patient, loving, forgiving. I want to give back to you all that you've given to me. I'm going to go now, so I can spend time with you in person. I haven't written in a while, because I get to talk to you face to face now. Can't wait until you can talk back, so I can hear what you think about the world!

1/25/2015

My messages are getting fewer and further in between, because I am busy taking care of you and working full time at night. Your great grandparents come over during the week after the nights that I work to keep you, so I can get some sleep. You sleep a lot less now, and you are so very busy. You love to get into everything, so we had to put the child-proof locks on all the cabinets. I was afraid you were going to pull out a pot or pan and drop it on your foot. For the first time yesterday, you went to sleep in the crib by yourself. You did the same thing tonight. You are starting to get more and more independent. I'm a little sad about you not needing us to fall asleep, but I'm glad at the same time. Sometimes, you would take an hour before you fell asleep. Like last night, your dad spent about 40 minutes trying to get you to sleep. We traded, and I tried for 25 minutes. I left the room, because I couldn't keep trying to get you to sleep. Five minutes later, you were asleep by yourself. That's how I found out you didn't need us!

I recently went to the funeral of someone's father whom I grew up with. He was like a father to me for a large part of my childhood. I was devastated he had past at 61. That's too young for someone to lose a parent. She also lost her mother when she was around 2 or 3 in a car accident. I'm terrified to think about my children growing up without knowing me and how much I love them. Or worse, having a step-mother that doesn't love y'all as much as I do, because you aren't biologically hers. I think your dad would put up without a lot to try to keep a woman happy, and I hope that allowing someone to mistreat you wouldn't be one of the things he would tolerate. Let's hope that it isn't in God's plans for me to be taken from you before I'm a very old woman (or worse...have something happen that takes you away from me). Since I don't know God's plans for our future, I just want you to know that you are the love of my life. You have brought more joy and happiness into this short year with you than maybe all of the other years combine. Being a mother is one of the best decisions I have ever made. The two other best decisions I've made are marrying your dad and joining the Latter-day Saint church. So if anything were to ever happen to me, here are the things I want you to know. You are more loved and more important than you will ever know. I love you more than anything and always did my very best to help you learn and grow in spite of the many mistakes I have made along the way. In case I don't get to continue you this blog after your siblings come along, this message applies to them too. After I am gone, I will watch over you and do my best to keep you safe and help guide you to make the right decisions. The Latter-day Saint church is true. There will be things you may not understand. Just because we don't understand things at first doesn't mean they aren't true. Search for the answers to all your questions, and don't give up until you find them. That's what brought me to the church to begin with. Try your best, but don't be hard on yourself when you mess up. You are going to mess up. That's why Jesus had to die for us. Use the atonement and forgive yourself. Each day try to be a little better than you were before. Perform random acts of kindness and smile often. If you believe and do these things, you will have success in this life and in the next. And if you want all our friends and family to know the thoughts that I would leave them with after I return to my creator, speak these words at my funeral.

Here's the song I sing to you, because it's how I felt when I first saw you. My heart has never been more full.