Finding Out About You

My Beloved Child,

          I just found out about you a little over a week ago. I haven't written you until now because of a very challenging summer semester of nursing school, though I haven't stopped thinking of you and talking to you. I don't even know if you have ears yet. The website for What to Expect When Your Expecting says that you will be the size of a blueberry next week, can you believe it? When you are old enough to read this, I am sure that you will be thousands of times larger than a blueberry, though you are thousands of times larger than you were just last week!

You were definitely planned. I've wanted you for a long time, but I let other things in my life stand in the way of how important it is to be a mother. I've felt you urging me from beyond the veil trying to help influence me to give up the selfish things in my life to know a joy unlike I have ever known before. I had a thought the other day, and it made me cry. It seems like I am crying daily now, though they are always joyful tears. I hope you constantly get to know the feeling of being so happy that you cry when you are here on earth with me. The thought I had was related to why Heavenly Father so much wants us to become parents while on earth. I realized that children are not meant to be a burden but a joy. I once heard someone say that children, "Open up a part of your heart that you never knew you had before." I truly believe that.

My whole life is going to change because of you in 241 days. I have a count down timer on my phone :). You were conceived around May 11th, so that makes you 5 weeks and 4 days old and 2 mm long. You are supposed to be due on February 1st, 2014, so I will need to take off my last semester of school in order to have you.  I know that raising you is going to be one of the most challenging but rewarding experiences I have had in my life. The reason why raising you will be one of the most challenging things I've ever done is because these are perilous times on earth. I can't begin to tell you how rapidly morality has declined in my lifetime. It's scary, and people are so blinded by their sins that they think we are making progress and breaking away from the "narrow-minded" religious ties that have "kept us from exercising our freedoms." What most of the world doesn't understand is that all of the "freedoms" and pleasures that people pursue are empty. Sin actually keeps us from being free. It serves to fool people into believing that are happy for a short time, but they soon realize how empty and vain life is when they are pursuing pleasures and sins. Then, people must continually find ways to distract themselves, so they don't feel the deep void that grows within them when they are far from our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I don't suggest telling people this to their face. People that are living in sin don't believe that sin is real and don't understand what it is or what it does. Because of pride, It would only serve to drive people deeper into the lifestyle that makes them empty. I say this from experience. Before I was baptized, I didn't think sin was real, though I knew I felt empty inside. Millions of people commit suicide every year. That number is growing. The emptiness that I am talking about is real.

I don't say all of this to you to suggest that I am righteous. I know that I am flawed, as I am sure you have found out by the time you are reading this. I do know that I very much want to give away all of my sins in order to enter back into the presence of my Heavenly Father, and I pray for a greater desire to do so almost daily. I told you about the sins of the world in order to explain to you how difficult it will be to help you find your way back to Heavenly Father in a world that so often disguises good for evil and evil for good. Sin, especially in movies and TV, has a way of presenting itself as ever so appealing. Sometimes, it is sprinkled here and there until a tolerance can be built. Tolerance can lead to acceptance which can lead to indulgence.

My challenge is helping you to choose the right things to watch, the right music to listen to, and the right friends to hang around without seeming like I am trying to control you. I know that the thing that will drive you most quickly away from making the right decision is trying to force you to do it. I want you to know that your dad and I love you with all of our hearts. We promised you a long time ago that we would raise you so that you would know the Lord. I hope very much we are able to keep our promise to you and be the kind of example that will help you to know how to live your life.

By the way, I am convinced that you are a girl which is why you will probably be a boy. Your dad and I have been praying for twins. Wouldn't it be funny if we had triplets!? I think I would have to name the third child Irony. Just kidding, I wouldn't do that :). If you are a girl, your name will be Aysling Rachael Cardon. If you are a boy, we are going to name you Asher Ruland Cardon. Ruland is after your dad's dad! That's so I can call you Roo for your nickname. Oh, I bet you'll love that! (Especially, when you get older).

I'll write to you more soon. I actually hope that I can keep this from you until you graduate from high school and give this to you as one of your graduation gifts. I love you more than you know.

With Loving Thoughts And Prayers,
Mom