The things I am about to tell you may be too sad for your tiny little ears to hear right now. Luckily, you won't read this blog or know it exists until later in your teenage years, in the years that you will be subjected to more temptation and peer pressure than you've probably ever known. I won't always been around to help you make the right decisions, and you will have to choose for yourself what path you want to walk and who you want to be. Hopefully, I will have taught you how to make your own decisions- good decisions you want to make and not because you feel guilty for not making the decision that I would choose for you. It is during these years that you will need to know just how much I love you, how much I have always loved you, and how much I want to protect you from the evil that exists in this world.
Today, I read an article about the various ways that newborn babies were found abandoned (dead or alive). They were flushed down toilets, suffocated in trash bags and thrown in the dumpster, strangled, and found in sewer drains. Worse still, "doctors" will dispose of babies of failed abortions by twisting their heads off or severing their spinal cord. A baby made swimming motions after being thrown in a toilet, so an abortionist took the baby back out of the toilet and cut the spinal cord. He or she was someone so helpless, and yet, still fighting for life. Millions are dying every day, because the people that are supposed to love them somehow lose their ability to love, or they are deceived into believing that material things on this earth and fleeting pleasures on this earth are more important than family.
Every soul is of great worth to our Heavenly Father, so I don't mean to diminish the worth of those precious babies that are losing their lives. However, I wonder how important you must be to our Heavenly Father's plan to be born into a family that loves you so much. When we asked for you, we asked the Lord if we could take care of one of his valiant souls. I have a feeling that you are a very special boy. I also feel that you will have a strong testimony and help bring many to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that I have many weaknesses, so I have been praying that the Lord will help me to be a good example to you.
There is so much evil in the world today that sometimes it can be difficult to stay hopeful for the bright future that is waiting for us. There is so much evil in the world today that it is easy to be overtaken by it. I've already mentioned how evil is often disguised as good. Entertainment can portray drugs, violence, and sex in the most seductive and enticing ways. It is so important that we pay attention to the things that we put into our minds. What we put into our minds shapes our thoughts, and our thoughts shape who we are. Here's a quote that I've always really liked:
“Watch your thoughts, they become words;
watch your words, they become actions;
watch your actions, they become habits;
watch your habits, they become character;
watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
All the little decisions that we make in our lives, though they may seem insignificant, mold us into the person we are. When I first started to pray again, changes didn't occur in my life all at once. It was through persistent prayer, gratitude, and appreciation for my trials that were helping to humble me that helped to transform my anxiety and depression into joy. Now I understand that the sadness that I may experience from time to time helps to keep my heart turned upward to whom I must look for strength. For this reason, I don't know that I would ever want to be rid of it completely. I hope you inherit your dad's cheerful demeanor. Even if you don't, please know that even sadness can be a good thing and a blessing.
I feel like I've said all this before, I hope I don't sound like a broken record...but I do feel like the biggest enemy you will have to face will be inside of you. You will ask yourself questions like, "Am I good enough?" The answer is, yes! You are better than good enough. The Lord loves you for who you are and who you can become.
Here is the pumpkin that I carved in honor of your expected due date. It is very rare for a baby to come on the date that they are predicted to come, of course. It's just the thought!
Three short months from today (roughly...depending on whether or not you want to come sooner), I will get to see your face for the first time! Your dad and I worked this weekend on painting your room. We still aren't done yet, but I will definitely post pictures when we finish. We love you so much!
Love Always,
Mom
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