The Important Things in Life

Hello again,

        Yesterday you were 9 weeks old. That means that you are an inch long and you are developing your liver, spleen, gallbladder, and diaphragm to help you breathe after you are born. I had a difficult experience on Friday. I wanted to share it with you and assure you that the world is wrong about the things that are most important in life. I am so happy that I am having you now and grateful to have a loving and kind husband to help me raise you. There are so many people in the world today without this blessing, and I know that your Heavenly Father has given me so much mercy. There have been men that I've known and dated in my life that aren't 1/10th of the man that your dad is.

        I had the difficult experience that I mentioned above during clinical in the hospital. I was assigned to a nurse that was the furthest thing from a ray of sunshine. Most of the things I learned are things that I shouldn't do as a nurse. I even had someone complain about the service they were receiving. She was the first person not to congratulate me when they found out about you. You could see the judgment in her eyes and the resentment on her face. Then, she persisted to ask everyone that walked into the break room where we were about their kids and told them they didn't need to have any more. She complained about how expensive kids are along with anything else that she could think to complain about.

I knew that I probably shouldn't even mention you to her especially since I'm not showing yet, but sometimes I am bad about ignoring the impressions I receive. I really need to get better at following impressions. The conversation kind of just led to children, I didn't openly volunteer the information. When she acted as she did, I didn't let her steal my joy. I just smiled and did my best to understand that she is brain-washed into believing that pursuing money and material items matters most in the world. However, I know that there are really only two things we can take with us when we die: the wisdom and learning we obtain while we are here on earth and our families. Family should absolutely be a priority. I don't mean to say that I believe that hard work isn't important. I know that it is important to gather resources in order to provide for our families, but we should do it with our families in mind. I know that working with the objective of obtaining money makes work long, daunting, and unfulfilling.

Today, I was also thinking about the advantages and disadvantages of you being born into the church. On the one hand, you will know the truth from an early age which will help you make better decisions in your childhood and throughout your teenage years if we are able to convey and you are able to fully understand the importance of obeying the commandments and repenting. Because I was not a member of the church, I grew up confused about all the different doctrine taught by different churches. I'm glad that you don't have to have the confusion that I had growing up. However, I think that sometimes the members who grow up in the church can take the gospel for granted. If you constantly see light, you can grow accustomed to it. For me, I felt like I had lived in the darkness for so long I was astonished by the bright light that I had found. The gospel was so clear and coherent and beautiful to me.

You will have questions, and that's okay. It is important to question, that's what led me to the church. Everyone has to gain a testimony of the restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ regardless of whether they are born in the church or not. Someone gave a talk today about Jeffery R. Holland's talk on belief. Here are some thoughts he shares about what to do when questions arise:

"When problems come and questions arise, do not start your quest for faith by saying how much you do not have, leading as it were with your “unbelief.” That is like trying to stuff a turkey through the beak! Let me be clear on this point: I am not asking you to pretend to faith you do not have. I am asking you to be true to the faith you do have. Sometimes we act as if an honest declaration of doubt is a higher manifestation of moral courage than is an honest declaration of faith. It is not! So let us all remember the clear message of this scriptural account: Be as candid about your questions as you need to be; life is full of them on one subject or another. But if you and your family want to be healed, don’t let those questions stand in the way of faith working its miracle.

Brothers and sisters, this is a divine work in process, with the manifestations and blessings of it abounding in every direction, so please don’t hyperventilate if from time to time issues arise that need to be examined, understood, and resolved. They do and they will. In this Church, what we know will always trump what we do not know. And remember, in this world, everyone is to walk by faith."

I love you so very much, and I am so grateful to be having you. Thinking of you often.

Love,
Mom

Maybe Twins?

Hello Love(s),

I want to share a little bit about what I've been experiencing, but I don't want you to think that I am complaining (though I am a little whiny, honestly!). I simply want you to be able to know more about your life even before you are born. I know that I've always enjoyed hearing about portions of my life that I don't remember even now as an adult.

I'm convinced that I'm having twins because of the severity and early onset of my nausea and morning sickness. I've never had morning sickness before, but I can look at all the statistics online. It usually starts around 10 weeks. Mine started around week 7. I haven't thrown up yet, but I've felt like throwing up. It's hard for me to eat anything. They say that food aversions are common, but it seems like people have food aversions for just a few things like chicken or oranges. I have food aversions for EVERYTHING. Sometimes, I might crave just one thing. I wanted a hamburger from Fuddruckers a couple nights ago. Then, I wanted pizza the next night (I thought), but I stopped wanting it before Tim could even order it. Last night, I wanted cookies. I know....I've been eating really healthy...The thought of eating vegetables makes me nauseous. I ate Chinese food yesterday for lunch, but I couldn't eat the green bell peppers in it. I usually love fresh vegetables! I didn't really want anything this morning, but I was able to eat a couple cookies. Can you imagine not wanting cookies?! I don't want ice cream either...well, not the stuff in the refrigerator. I think I could go for one of the delicious ice creams they sell out of the back of an ice cream truck that has bubble gum embedded as the eyes. Anyway! I was reading a post about early signs of having twins, and one lady pregnant with twins said that she had food aversions to everything, Coincidence? Perhaps. I've thought I was going to have twins long before I got pregnant, but we will see. My first pre-natal check-up is July 2nd.

You are now 8 weeks and 1 day in utero. I will spare you the picture of what a baby looks like at 8 weeks, though I can tell you....babies look like little aliens. The source I was reading said they even get little tails at one point, though I believe you've already lost your tail. However, I will show you how big you are:

Still pretty tiny. It's hard to believe something so small could cause so many changes in my body even if there are two of you. I used to be able to run 4 miles, no problem. I went running with your dad Wednesday night (today is Sunday), and I had to stop at least three times. I was just glad that I was exercising. Most days, I just feel like napping. It does take a tremendous amount of energy to make a little person/people. This week, I am building you millions of brain cells. With that said, I should probably be eating a little better.

I have to go now. I need to dry my hair before church. Today is kind of a big day. Your dad and I are announcing to our families about your existence! I will let you know how they react :). We are going to put a sign on Marbel and let her go up to your granny and great grandpa. Here's a picture of the sign:

 Talk to you soon. Hey, if you could, would you ease up on me a little bit? I really miss eating food :). Haha! I love you very much.

Love,
Mom

Finding Out About You

My Beloved Child,

          I just found out about you a little over a week ago. I haven't written you until now because of a very challenging summer semester of nursing school, though I haven't stopped thinking of you and talking to you. I don't even know if you have ears yet. The website for What to Expect When Your Expecting says that you will be the size of a blueberry next week, can you believe it? When you are old enough to read this, I am sure that you will be thousands of times larger than a blueberry, though you are thousands of times larger than you were just last week!

You were definitely planned. I've wanted you for a long time, but I let other things in my life stand in the way of how important it is to be a mother. I've felt you urging me from beyond the veil trying to help influence me to give up the selfish things in my life to know a joy unlike I have ever known before. I had a thought the other day, and it made me cry. It seems like I am crying daily now, though they are always joyful tears. I hope you constantly get to know the feeling of being so happy that you cry when you are here on earth with me. The thought I had was related to why Heavenly Father so much wants us to become parents while on earth. I realized that children are not meant to be a burden but a joy. I once heard someone say that children, "Open up a part of your heart that you never knew you had before." I truly believe that.

My whole life is going to change because of you in 241 days. I have a count down timer on my phone :). You were conceived around May 11th, so that makes you 5 weeks and 4 days old and 2 mm long. You are supposed to be due on February 1st, 2014, so I will need to take off my last semester of school in order to have you.  I know that raising you is going to be one of the most challenging but rewarding experiences I have had in my life. The reason why raising you will be one of the most challenging things I've ever done is because these are perilous times on earth. I can't begin to tell you how rapidly morality has declined in my lifetime. It's scary, and people are so blinded by their sins that they think we are making progress and breaking away from the "narrow-minded" religious ties that have "kept us from exercising our freedoms." What most of the world doesn't understand is that all of the "freedoms" and pleasures that people pursue are empty. Sin actually keeps us from being free. It serves to fool people into believing that are happy for a short time, but they soon realize how empty and vain life is when they are pursuing pleasures and sins. Then, people must continually find ways to distract themselves, so they don't feel the deep void that grows within them when they are far from our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I don't suggest telling people this to their face. People that are living in sin don't believe that sin is real and don't understand what it is or what it does. Because of pride, It would only serve to drive people deeper into the lifestyle that makes them empty. I say this from experience. Before I was baptized, I didn't think sin was real, though I knew I felt empty inside. Millions of people commit suicide every year. That number is growing. The emptiness that I am talking about is real.

I don't say all of this to you to suggest that I am righteous. I know that I am flawed, as I am sure you have found out by the time you are reading this. I do know that I very much want to give away all of my sins in order to enter back into the presence of my Heavenly Father, and I pray for a greater desire to do so almost daily. I told you about the sins of the world in order to explain to you how difficult it will be to help you find your way back to Heavenly Father in a world that so often disguises good for evil and evil for good. Sin, especially in movies and TV, has a way of presenting itself as ever so appealing. Sometimes, it is sprinkled here and there until a tolerance can be built. Tolerance can lead to acceptance which can lead to indulgence.

My challenge is helping you to choose the right things to watch, the right music to listen to, and the right friends to hang around without seeming like I am trying to control you. I know that the thing that will drive you most quickly away from making the right decision is trying to force you to do it. I want you to know that your dad and I love you with all of our hearts. We promised you a long time ago that we would raise you so that you would know the Lord. I hope very much we are able to keep our promise to you and be the kind of example that will help you to know how to live your life.

By the way, I am convinced that you are a girl which is why you will probably be a boy. Your dad and I have been praying for twins. Wouldn't it be funny if we had triplets!? I think I would have to name the third child Irony. Just kidding, I wouldn't do that :). If you are a girl, your name will be Aysling Rachael Cardon. If you are a boy, we are going to name you Asher Ruland Cardon. Ruland is after your dad's dad! That's so I can call you Roo for your nickname. Oh, I bet you'll love that! (Especially, when you get older).

I'll write to you more soon. I actually hope that I can keep this from you until you graduate from high school and give this to you as one of your graduation gifts. I love you more than you know.

With Loving Thoughts And Prayers,
Mom