You've grown so much my baby boy. I love to tell you how proud I am of you for growing and being so strong! You aren't even born yet, but you make me smile like crazy!
If there is one thing that I have learned from this pregnancy it is that weight is just a number. I've never felt more beautiful that I do now, though I am at my heaviest weight. I know gaining weight means that I get to be your mom, and that makes it completely worth it. I now get to be known as "Logan's Mom."
I guess a normal question people like to ask pregnant women (don't ask me why) is how much weight they have gained. I won't let the doctor's tell me, so I can't answer that question. It almost feels like women have a silent competition going- who gained either the least or the most amount of weight when they were pregnant. I absolutely know you can eat too much and make the baby overweight which is associated with certain health risks and higher rates of C-sections. Who cares as long as the baby is a healthy weight? People have told me they think you are going to be a "big baby." We will see. Even though they think my belly looks big, I don't feel very big. I know that I am a tiny person, and there is nowhere for you to go but out! I don't think you will be bigger than 8 pounds and a few ounces.
I understand why our culture has become so consumed with weight. There are a lot of obese people in the United States now. Other countries make fun of us. But it's almost like most people's minds can only function in black and white. It's one extreme to the other. People can get obsessed with weight so much that they just don't eat at all. People can really allow themselves to become distraught over gaining a few pounds. Don't get me wrong, when I'm not pregnant anymore, I absolutely want to get back into shape. I want to be able to fit back into my old clothes again, but I won't let that number on the scale determine my self-worth. It helps that your dad loves me no matter what. He just told me today that I am more beautiful than I ever have been. I feel so happy for you to be able to have a great guy like him as your dad. It's become harder and harder to find good men these days.
I know you will love to exercise and be outdoors, because your dad and I do. I can't wait to take you hiking with us when you get older. There is so much to see and feel out in nature that you just can't feel when you are stuck inside. Some of my best memories are outside feeling the sunshine and wind on my face and breathing in the fresh air. Of course, I want it to be a little warmer and for you to be a little older because I take you on many walks outside. It's the coldest that it has been in Georgia in a long time today. The temperature is 13°F but the weather center says it really feels like 2°F.
Though it was cold yesterday, I drove to visit your aunts. They cancelled their school yesterday due to the possibility of black ice on the roads. They've cancelled it again today, though I am not sure why this time. On the way to their house, there were several rainbows within the clouds, and it made me recognize just how much beauty there is in the world. There is pain and suffering which can continue indefinitely if we choose to continue to dwell on it. Even more powerful is all the beauty in life. Just being alive, breathing, and thinking with these bodies is a tremendous blessing.
I love you, sweetheart. I am thinking of you always. Hopefully, we will get to officially meet in 27 more days.
Love,
Mom
"You rock a sobbing child without wondering if today's world is passing you by, because you know you hold tomorrow tightly in your arms." -Neal A. Maxwell
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Baby Shower
Dear Logan,
We just had your baby shower this weekend. Your granny spent a lot of time and effort to make sure everything was perfect. They had stuffed monkeys hanging from a tree, and everything was safari-themed. Here are some photos that your great-grandpa took (that's why he's not in the pictures):
There are some other photos from your granny and great aunt that I will post as soon as I can get them!
We only have a little over 7 more weeks to go before we get to meet. (I started this about a week ago. We now have around 6 more weeks to go). I've never been more excited for anything in my life, and I don't think I've ever done anything more important in my life. It's like everything else pales in comparison to you entering in our lives. I will really miss being able to feel you move around in my belly. You move around the most around 11 pm, but it seems like you've recently started moving around a lot in the morning too. I've been extremely thirsty in the past couple of weeks. I've also gotten stretch marks in the past couple of weeks too! They aren't bad (yet).Granny had twins, and she still had the kind of stretch marks that faded so much you couldn't see them anymore. Maybe these will be like hers. I like to tell you that I know its not your fault and it is worth every pregnancy-associated symptom to have you! I talk to you all the time, though you are still in my belly :).
It's funny to me, because I've gotten more compliments on my appearance since I've been pregnant than when I was very fit doing Crossfit. I've wondered if they are trying to help me feel better about the weight I've gained. However, I honestly believe they really think I look good, though I think I look a bit like a chipmunk storing nuts in its cheeks for the winter, lol! Pregnant women have a pregnancy glow, and I think there may be something that can be seen beyond physical appearance as well. Maybe people can tell how happy I am to be having you.
I like to listen to books on tape when I am in my car, because there is rarely anything uplifting that plays on the radio anymore. I recently listened to Mitch Albom's "The Time Keeper" and started a book called, "Building Better Families." Here are some questions that you can expect to hear from me a lot as you grow up, and I am doing my best to raise you to be a happy, loving, respectful, and kind person with integrity and grit:
What can you learn from this experience? (You can make any situation something positive as long as you see it for what it really is- an opportunity to grow).
How could you have handled that better? (This is a question that I ask myself often).
How will that help you become the best version of yourself?
The last question comes from the "Building Better Families" audio book. I've just started it, but it has already been so insightful and helpful, It has shared different ideas that I have thought about but have had a difficult time putting into words. It feels nice to hear someone else confirm something that I already know. I don't think the author is a member of the church, but the ideas that he shares are the same as what we know already- they may just be worded a little differently. I think it is interesting how you can say something in a different way and things finally connect and make sense to someone. He basically said that we live in families to help each other grow as individuals. We have come to earth to become the very best version of ourselves. He also said that, if I ask you those questions, I should expect you to ask me the same questions. That our kids will hold us accountable for every inconsistency. For example, if I try to teach you that you don't need to watch a lot of TV but I do, you won't learn that as a true principle. Needless to say, my little one, I have a huge responsibility ahead of me, because there are some things that I need to change about myself in order to be the best example for you. I would never be able to convince your dad to get rid of many of the movies that he has, but I might be able to convince him to put them into storage. He loves car movies like the Fast and the Furious series, but these movies objectify women as sex symbols. They idolize money, recklessness, power, and conflict. I just think you are going to see me as being so controlling. I don't want you to think that, and I will do my best to try not to seem controlling. Often when we are young (and regardless of whether we are young), we don't realize what kind of impact our culture is having on us. The entertainment industry brainwashes us by exposure. If we expose ourselves enough to these things, what we put into our minds is eventually what we become.
I love you, my little one. You and your dad are my best friends. I want you to become the very best version of yourself. I know you will help me do the same, because I will experience tremendous growth as a mother. See you soon, my precious gift!
Love Eternally,
Mom
We just had your baby shower this weekend. Your granny spent a lot of time and effort to make sure everything was perfect. They had stuffed monkeys hanging from a tree, and everything was safari-themed. Here are some photos that your great-grandpa took (that's why he's not in the pictures):
There are some other photos from your granny and great aunt that I will post as soon as I can get them!
We only have a little over 7 more weeks to go before we get to meet. (I started this about a week ago. We now have around 6 more weeks to go). I've never been more excited for anything in my life, and I don't think I've ever done anything more important in my life. It's like everything else pales in comparison to you entering in our lives. I will really miss being able to feel you move around in my belly. You move around the most around 11 pm, but it seems like you've recently started moving around a lot in the morning too. I've been extremely thirsty in the past couple of weeks. I've also gotten stretch marks in the past couple of weeks too! They aren't bad (yet).Granny had twins, and she still had the kind of stretch marks that faded so much you couldn't see them anymore. Maybe these will be like hers. I like to tell you that I know its not your fault and it is worth every pregnancy-associated symptom to have you! I talk to you all the time, though you are still in my belly :).
It's funny to me, because I've gotten more compliments on my appearance since I've been pregnant than when I was very fit doing Crossfit. I've wondered if they are trying to help me feel better about the weight I've gained. However, I honestly believe they really think I look good, though I think I look a bit like a chipmunk storing nuts in its cheeks for the winter, lol! Pregnant women have a pregnancy glow, and I think there may be something that can be seen beyond physical appearance as well. Maybe people can tell how happy I am to be having you.
I like to listen to books on tape when I am in my car, because there is rarely anything uplifting that plays on the radio anymore. I recently listened to Mitch Albom's "The Time Keeper" and started a book called, "Building Better Families." Here are some questions that you can expect to hear from me a lot as you grow up, and I am doing my best to raise you to be a happy, loving, respectful, and kind person with integrity and grit:
What can you learn from this experience? (You can make any situation something positive as long as you see it for what it really is- an opportunity to grow).
How could you have handled that better? (This is a question that I ask myself often).
How will that help you become the best version of yourself?
The last question comes from the "Building Better Families" audio book. I've just started it, but it has already been so insightful and helpful, It has shared different ideas that I have thought about but have had a difficult time putting into words. It feels nice to hear someone else confirm something that I already know. I don't think the author is a member of the church, but the ideas that he shares are the same as what we know already- they may just be worded a little differently. I think it is interesting how you can say something in a different way and things finally connect and make sense to someone. He basically said that we live in families to help each other grow as individuals. We have come to earth to become the very best version of ourselves. He also said that, if I ask you those questions, I should expect you to ask me the same questions. That our kids will hold us accountable for every inconsistency. For example, if I try to teach you that you don't need to watch a lot of TV but I do, you won't learn that as a true principle. Needless to say, my little one, I have a huge responsibility ahead of me, because there are some things that I need to change about myself in order to be the best example for you. I would never be able to convince your dad to get rid of many of the movies that he has, but I might be able to convince him to put them into storage. He loves car movies like the Fast and the Furious series, but these movies objectify women as sex symbols. They idolize money, recklessness, power, and conflict. I just think you are going to see me as being so controlling. I don't want you to think that, and I will do my best to try not to seem controlling. Often when we are young (and regardless of whether we are young), we don't realize what kind of impact our culture is having on us. The entertainment industry brainwashes us by exposure. If we expose ourselves enough to these things, what we put into our minds is eventually what we become.
I love you, my little one. You and your dad are my best friends. I want you to become the very best version of yourself. I know you will help me do the same, because I will experience tremendous growth as a mother. See you soon, my precious gift!
Love Eternally,
Mom
Friday, November 15, 2013
Pregnancy Progression
17 weeks
18 weeks
19 weeks
20 weeks
23 weeks
24 weeks
25 weeks
26 weeks
27 weeks
28 weeks
29 weeks
30 weeks
31 weeks
32 weeks
33 weeks
34 weeks
35 weeks
36 weeks
37 weeks
38 weeks
39 weeks
40 weeks
...40+ weeks!
Lots and lots of swelling...
Even more love.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Your Great Worth
My Sweet Little One,
The things I am about to tell you may be too sad for your tiny little ears to hear right now. Luckily, you won't read this blog or know it exists until later in your teenage years, in the years that you will be subjected to more temptation and peer pressure than you've probably ever known. I won't always been around to help you make the right decisions, and you will have to choose for yourself what path you want to walk and who you want to be. Hopefully, I will have taught you how to make your own decisions- good decisions you want to make and not because you feel guilty for not making the decision that I would choose for you. It is during these years that you will need to know just how much I love you, how much I have always loved you, and how much I want to protect you from the evil that exists in this world.
Today, I read an article about the various ways that newborn babies were found abandoned (dead or alive). They were flushed down toilets, suffocated in trash bags and thrown in the dumpster, strangled, and found in sewer drains. Worse still, "doctors" will dispose of babies of failed abortions by twisting their heads off or severing their spinal cord. A baby made swimming motions after being thrown in a toilet, so an abortionist took the baby back out of the toilet and cut the spinal cord. He or she was someone so helpless, and yet, still fighting for life. Millions are dying every day, because the people that are supposed to love them somehow lose their ability to love, or they are deceived into believing that material things on this earth and fleeting pleasures on this earth are more important than family.
Every soul is of great worth to our Heavenly Father, so I don't mean to diminish the worth of those precious babies that are losing their lives. However, I wonder how important you must be to our Heavenly Father's plan to be born into a family that loves you so much. When we asked for you, we asked the Lord if we could take care of one of his valiant souls. I have a feeling that you are a very special boy. I also feel that you will have a strong testimony and help bring many to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that I have many weaknesses, so I have been praying that the Lord will help me to be a good example to you.
There is so much evil in the world today that sometimes it can be difficult to stay hopeful for the bright future that is waiting for us. There is so much evil in the world today that it is easy to be overtaken by it. I've already mentioned how evil is often disguised as good. Entertainment can portray drugs, violence, and sex in the most seductive and enticing ways. It is so important that we pay attention to the things that we put into our minds. What we put into our minds shapes our thoughts, and our thoughts shape who we are. Here's a quote that I've always really liked:
“Watch your thoughts, they become words;
watch your words, they become actions;
watch your actions, they become habits;
watch your habits, they become character;
watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
All the little decisions that we make in our lives, though they may seem insignificant, mold us into the person we are. When I first started to pray again, changes didn't occur in my life all at once. It was through persistent prayer, gratitude, and appreciation for my trials that were helping to humble me that helped to transform my anxiety and depression into joy. Now I understand that the sadness that I may experience from time to time helps to keep my heart turned upward to whom I must look for strength. For this reason, I don't know that I would ever want to be rid of it completely. I hope you inherit your dad's cheerful demeanor. Even if you don't, please know that even sadness can be a good thing and a blessing.
I feel like I've said all this before, I hope I don't sound like a broken record...but I do feel like the biggest enemy you will have to face will be inside of you. You will ask yourself questions like, "Am I good enough?" The answer is, yes! You are better than good enough. The Lord loves you for who you are and who you can become.
Here is the pumpkin that I carved in honor of your expected due date. It is very rare for a baby to come on the date that they are predicted to come, of course. It's just the thought!
The things I am about to tell you may be too sad for your tiny little ears to hear right now. Luckily, you won't read this blog or know it exists until later in your teenage years, in the years that you will be subjected to more temptation and peer pressure than you've probably ever known. I won't always been around to help you make the right decisions, and you will have to choose for yourself what path you want to walk and who you want to be. Hopefully, I will have taught you how to make your own decisions- good decisions you want to make and not because you feel guilty for not making the decision that I would choose for you. It is during these years that you will need to know just how much I love you, how much I have always loved you, and how much I want to protect you from the evil that exists in this world.
Today, I read an article about the various ways that newborn babies were found abandoned (dead or alive). They were flushed down toilets, suffocated in trash bags and thrown in the dumpster, strangled, and found in sewer drains. Worse still, "doctors" will dispose of babies of failed abortions by twisting their heads off or severing their spinal cord. A baby made swimming motions after being thrown in a toilet, so an abortionist took the baby back out of the toilet and cut the spinal cord. He or she was someone so helpless, and yet, still fighting for life. Millions are dying every day, because the people that are supposed to love them somehow lose their ability to love, or they are deceived into believing that material things on this earth and fleeting pleasures on this earth are more important than family.
Every soul is of great worth to our Heavenly Father, so I don't mean to diminish the worth of those precious babies that are losing their lives. However, I wonder how important you must be to our Heavenly Father's plan to be born into a family that loves you so much. When we asked for you, we asked the Lord if we could take care of one of his valiant souls. I have a feeling that you are a very special boy. I also feel that you will have a strong testimony and help bring many to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that I have many weaknesses, so I have been praying that the Lord will help me to be a good example to you.
There is so much evil in the world today that sometimes it can be difficult to stay hopeful for the bright future that is waiting for us. There is so much evil in the world today that it is easy to be overtaken by it. I've already mentioned how evil is often disguised as good. Entertainment can portray drugs, violence, and sex in the most seductive and enticing ways. It is so important that we pay attention to the things that we put into our minds. What we put into our minds shapes our thoughts, and our thoughts shape who we are. Here's a quote that I've always really liked:
“Watch your thoughts, they become words;
watch your words, they become actions;
watch your actions, they become habits;
watch your habits, they become character;
watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
All the little decisions that we make in our lives, though they may seem insignificant, mold us into the person we are. When I first started to pray again, changes didn't occur in my life all at once. It was through persistent prayer, gratitude, and appreciation for my trials that were helping to humble me that helped to transform my anxiety and depression into joy. Now I understand that the sadness that I may experience from time to time helps to keep my heart turned upward to whom I must look for strength. For this reason, I don't know that I would ever want to be rid of it completely. I hope you inherit your dad's cheerful demeanor. Even if you don't, please know that even sadness can be a good thing and a blessing.
I feel like I've said all this before, I hope I don't sound like a broken record...but I do feel like the biggest enemy you will have to face will be inside of you. You will ask yourself questions like, "Am I good enough?" The answer is, yes! You are better than good enough. The Lord loves you for who you are and who you can become.
Here is the pumpkin that I carved in honor of your expected due date. It is very rare for a baby to come on the date that they are predicted to come, of course. It's just the thought!
Three short months from today (roughly...depending on whether or not you want to come sooner), I will get to see your face for the first time! Your dad and I worked this weekend on painting your room. We still aren't done yet, but I will definitely post pictures when we finish. We love you so much!
Love Always,
Mom
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Because I Want Your Life to Be Happy
Baby Boy,
In two days, there will be four months left until we get to meet each other face to face. I've been surprised at how strong you are. I think the warm water of the shower wakes you up in the morning. Today, you kicked me so hard while I was showering that I felt like my whole body was jolted forward. I'm not sure, but I interpreted it as you not liking the fact that the water woke you up.
When I was sitting in church on Sunday, I started to think about all the anxious and depressed people in the world. If anything were to happen to me, heaven forbid, I want to make sure you have access to some things I have gathered over the years, which I think could greatly improve your outlook on life and help you stay positive even when life seems difficult.
Failing doesn't make us a failure. We will all fail at some point in our lives. We all will do something embarrassing; there is no hiding from it no matter how hard we try. Don't let fear of failure or embarrassment make you afraid to live your life. Don't be afraid to take risks as long as you are listening to promptings from the Holy Ghost. He will always guide you down the right path for your life.
When I was younger, my dad used to always use this quote, "Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watchin'." Most people are afraid of what other people think of them, and we judge ourselves based on what we believe other people think of us; perhaps that's why there is such a huge concern about what we should wear, what we should drive, and how we should act. I want you to feel free to be yourself. Judgement from other people won't hurt you physically, and it can only hurt you emotionally if you let it.
Many people live in fear of failure everyday of their lives. It often manifests itself as anxiety. You may also find that you experience fear and anxiety in spite of your attempts to be strong and have courage. This is also normal. Don't feel that you have failed if you begin to experience fear. This discouragement will actually exacerbate the fear and anxiety you already have and make you feel worse. Accept that you are afraid, but pray for strength. You will have weaknesses, but don't be too hard on yourself when you recognize what they are. If you are humble and have faith, the Lord will help you transform your weaknesses into strengths.
Son, life can be hard sometimes. If it weren't hard, it wouldn't be worth living. It is the difficult moments and trying times that transform us the most. Let's not forget the famous quote said by Alfred in Batman Begins, "Why do we fall, Master Wayne? ...So we can learn to pick ourselves back up." I see people on TV that have always had everything that they've ever wanted. These are not the kind of people that I would ever want to be. Being without helps us to be more humble and grateful for the things that we do have in our lives.
Though this is unrelated, I will end with a quote I put on Facebook, because someone recommended that I compile these so you have them to read when you get older. Since I am already writing these letters to you, I thought this would be the perfect place to put it:
"This is the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me. To watch my little baby move around in my belly on the ultrasound. To see how active he is and to know that my husband and I created that life together. To be so excited for my husband, because he is going to make such an incredible dad. And to see his eyes light up. It's worth whatever pain I have to go through giving birth and whatever sacrifice I have to make- financial or otherwise. Family is THE most important thing we have been given in this life, and I feel so incredibly blessed to have mine." (August 23rd, 2013)
I love you with all of my heart. I am so glad that you are a part of my life.
Love Always,
Mom
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Ultrasound and Cloth Diapers!
Hi Baby Boy,
I got to see you again today. This time, I got to keep a recording of the live ultrasound. Now you can see just how active you are. Your movements appear jerky, because your nervous system isn't fully developed yet to have precise movements. The ultrasound tech said that I am staying well hydrated, because you have a big "swimming pool." That just means you have a lot of amniotic fluid (but not too much). You can see it better when she moves the ultrasound to see you from the side. From what we can tell now, you are already stationing your head kind of downward. That's good, because that is the easiest way for you to come out (head first).
At the end of the video, she gets your heart beat from your umbilical cord! Isn't that neat? It's measuring 148 bpm. That's down from 152-154 bpm from 16 weeks which is good. It's supposed to go down as the pregnancy progresses. She does the thermal imaging (the colors at the end of the video) to show me that there are two arteries and one vein just like a healthy baby should have. Using your cephalic and chest measurements, she said you were in the 55 percentile for your age. People might think it is better to be in a higher percentile, but that's not accurate. Growing too quickly could cause some impairments or indicate a problem. Everything is growing as it should and in proportion to one another. You are just right. Here you are in all of your preciousness:
Some of the cloth diapers I bought you came in today too. I bought 16, but I'm sure I will need more. Karla told me that she recommends using Eco nuts to wash the diapers. I'm mostly telling you that, so I can remember for later. Here are the diapers that I got. You are going to be so stinkin' cute:
Later, I will add pictures of the clothes and other things I've gotten for you, so I have have everything documented. See you in 19 weeks and 5 days!
Love,
Mom
I got to see you again today. This time, I got to keep a recording of the live ultrasound. Now you can see just how active you are. Your movements appear jerky, because your nervous system isn't fully developed yet to have precise movements. The ultrasound tech said that I am staying well hydrated, because you have a big "swimming pool." That just means you have a lot of amniotic fluid (but not too much). You can see it better when she moves the ultrasound to see you from the side. From what we can tell now, you are already stationing your head kind of downward. That's good, because that is the easiest way for you to come out (head first).
At the end of the video, she gets your heart beat from your umbilical cord! Isn't that neat? It's measuring 148 bpm. That's down from 152-154 bpm from 16 weeks which is good. It's supposed to go down as the pregnancy progresses. She does the thermal imaging (the colors at the end of the video) to show me that there are two arteries and one vein just like a healthy baby should have. Using your cephalic and chest measurements, she said you were in the 55 percentile for your age. People might think it is better to be in a higher percentile, but that's not accurate. Growing too quickly could cause some impairments or indicate a problem. Everything is growing as it should and in proportion to one another. You are just right. Here you are in all of your preciousness:
Some of the cloth diapers I bought you came in today too. I bought 16, but I'm sure I will need more. Karla told me that she recommends using Eco nuts to wash the diapers. I'm mostly telling you that, so I can remember for later. Here are the diapers that I got. You are going to be so stinkin' cute:
Later, I will add pictures of the clothes and other things I've gotten for you, so I have have everything documented. See you in 19 weeks and 5 days!
Love,
Mom
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Names and Faces and Sweet Baby Kicks
Dearest Little One,
You are one of the best gifts that anyone has ever given me. I usually have to work for any kind of confirmation that I receive from Heavenly Father, but when your father and I prayed for you, I received a distinct witness from the Holy Ghost as if God was saying that He would grant me the desires of my heart. You were conceived within that month.
I never knew that I was capable of loving anyone as much as I love you. Don't get me wrong, I love your dad more and more every day. But you! You are completely depended upon me for survival. What I eat, you eat. Where I go, you go. I can't imagine how I will feel after you are born. I am so curious to know what you will look like. Will you have your daddy's hair and nose and ears? I can't remember if I've mentioned this before....but your dad is convinced that all Cardons get the Cardon nose and ears. It's true that all the boys of Cardon sons have the same ears. He says they all have the same nose too, but I don't see it. I hope you will be tall like both of your Grandpas not short like your mom. It would be very rare for you to have anything but blue eyes and O+ blood, though it is still possible. Blue eyes pretty much means that you will need to wear Sunglasses when you are outside even when its overcast. I hope you look like me even if it is just a little bit.
I wish you could help me pick out your name. I don't know why it has to be so hard to name little boys. I could have named at least 5 little girls in the time it has taken me to think of your name. I said in the beginning that I was going to name you Asher Ruland, but I started to feel that maybe it wasn't the right choice. However, I almost feel obligated, since it was the first thing that I wrote on your blog. I wanted to give you at least one normal name. I've been thinking about Asher Logan, but I still don't know anything for sure. I am really just waiting on a distinct sign- maybe an angel that comes down that just tells me what the name is supposed to be. I'm sure I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I really need to, but I think names are important. Maybe I won't know for sure until I see you. That seems like a really long time to wait to pick out a name...Your dad still wants to have Ruland or Kent in your name. I want him to be involved in picking out the name too.
Because your dad and I are so happy together (and I'm not used to being this happy!), I've had a fear of losing him. I've actually had this fear on and off for at least three years (before our car accident). I've been praying that I would no longer have fear in this way but mostly that nothing would happen to take your dad away from us. I was reading in my nursing parent-child book that fear of losing a spouse is a common fear in the second trimester. It made me feel better to know that the reaction I'm having is completely natural.
Yesterday was the first day that I really felt you moving consistently throughout the day. It is such a comfort to me to feel you move. You are SO STRONG. Last night, your dad put his hand on you and pressed down just a little bit. You seemed to kick back with just as much strength as you could muster, and it made me giggle. You are still so young, but you are so aware of everything. It was almost as if you were saying, "Hey! Quit that, this is my space and you are crowding me!" I'm not sure if I said this in the last post I made, but I wonder how loud we need to talk in order for you to hear us.
One of my friends, Amanda, told me that we should make sure your dad is talking to you consistently throughout the pregnancy, so he is able to comfort you too when I'm not around. At church today, a woman in the sacrament meeting got up with her baby. The other two children cried and followed her out, though their dad was still sitting there with them when she left. I just laughed and looked over at your dad. I guess nothing quite compares to a mother's love. Now that I say that, you will probably end up being a daddy's boy. However, I don't think that will happen until I'm no longer supplying your food!
Kids really do seem to like your daddy. I hear funny stories all the time that seem to indicate just that. Tim used to work for a guy who has a son with developmental delays. He doesn't know very many words but Tim's name happens to be one of them. The son of Tim's current boss once told him, "When I grow up, I want to be just like you, Uncle Tim." The daughter of one of my friends gave a picture to him instead of me when she got to choose between us. Karla said, "She never does that. She normally doesn't like boys." I wasn't hurt by it, I know that I am lucky and blessed to have him in my life. I just think he has a sweet spirit, and little children, especially, can pick up on that. You will be lucky to have him in your life too. Sometimes, he doesn't have a way with words like mom, but it's really action that counts the most.
I'm going to go now, my little man. I'll try to have your name officially picked out soon. Please help if you can! Your dad and I love you.
Love,
Mom
You are one of the best gifts that anyone has ever given me. I usually have to work for any kind of confirmation that I receive from Heavenly Father, but when your father and I prayed for you, I received a distinct witness from the Holy Ghost as if God was saying that He would grant me the desires of my heart. You were conceived within that month.
I never knew that I was capable of loving anyone as much as I love you. Don't get me wrong, I love your dad more and more every day. But you! You are completely depended upon me for survival. What I eat, you eat. Where I go, you go. I can't imagine how I will feel after you are born. I am so curious to know what you will look like. Will you have your daddy's hair and nose and ears? I can't remember if I've mentioned this before....but your dad is convinced that all Cardons get the Cardon nose and ears. It's true that all the boys of Cardon sons have the same ears. He says they all have the same nose too, but I don't see it. I hope you will be tall like both of your Grandpas not short like your mom. It would be very rare for you to have anything but blue eyes and O+ blood, though it is still possible. Blue eyes pretty much means that you will need to wear Sunglasses when you are outside even when its overcast. I hope you look like me even if it is just a little bit.
I wish you could help me pick out your name. I don't know why it has to be so hard to name little boys. I could have named at least 5 little girls in the time it has taken me to think of your name. I said in the beginning that I was going to name you Asher Ruland, but I started to feel that maybe it wasn't the right choice. However, I almost feel obligated, since it was the first thing that I wrote on your blog. I wanted to give you at least one normal name. I've been thinking about Asher Logan, but I still don't know anything for sure. I am really just waiting on a distinct sign- maybe an angel that comes down that just tells me what the name is supposed to be. I'm sure I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I really need to, but I think names are important. Maybe I won't know for sure until I see you. That seems like a really long time to wait to pick out a name...Your dad still wants to have Ruland or Kent in your name. I want him to be involved in picking out the name too.
Because your dad and I are so happy together (and I'm not used to being this happy!), I've had a fear of losing him. I've actually had this fear on and off for at least three years (before our car accident). I've been praying that I would no longer have fear in this way but mostly that nothing would happen to take your dad away from us. I was reading in my nursing parent-child book that fear of losing a spouse is a common fear in the second trimester. It made me feel better to know that the reaction I'm having is completely natural.
Yesterday was the first day that I really felt you moving consistently throughout the day. It is such a comfort to me to feel you move. You are SO STRONG. Last night, your dad put his hand on you and pressed down just a little bit. You seemed to kick back with just as much strength as you could muster, and it made me giggle. You are still so young, but you are so aware of everything. It was almost as if you were saying, "Hey! Quit that, this is my space and you are crowding me!" I'm not sure if I said this in the last post I made, but I wonder how loud we need to talk in order for you to hear us.
One of my friends, Amanda, told me that we should make sure your dad is talking to you consistently throughout the pregnancy, so he is able to comfort you too when I'm not around. At church today, a woman in the sacrament meeting got up with her baby. The other two children cried and followed her out, though their dad was still sitting there with them when she left. I just laughed and looked over at your dad. I guess nothing quite compares to a mother's love. Now that I say that, you will probably end up being a daddy's boy. However, I don't think that will happen until I'm no longer supplying your food!
Kids really do seem to like your daddy. I hear funny stories all the time that seem to indicate just that. Tim used to work for a guy who has a son with developmental delays. He doesn't know very many words but Tim's name happens to be one of them. The son of Tim's current boss once told him, "When I grow up, I want to be just like you, Uncle Tim." The daughter of one of my friends gave a picture to him instead of me when she got to choose between us. Karla said, "She never does that. She normally doesn't like boys." I wasn't hurt by it, I know that I am lucky and blessed to have him in my life. I just think he has a sweet spirit, and little children, especially, can pick up on that. You will be lucky to have him in your life too. Sometimes, he doesn't have a way with words like mom, but it's really action that counts the most.
I'm going to go now, my little man. I'll try to have your name officially picked out soon. Please help if you can! Your dad and I love you.
Love,
Mom
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